this post is about red tulips and roads
|Cosas de ayer.|
So, I wasn't too old to read Walden! I finished it just now. Before, I read El mundo sin las personas que lo afean y lo arruinan, de Patricio Pron. Before reading Walden, I already liked Thoreau, I liked him as I liked the tulips, without having read them. And before reading El mundo sin las personas que lo afean y lo arruinan algo leería, que no recuerdo (flores seguro que no leí).
¿Por qué es tan difícil encontrar otra papelería? Necesito un cuaderno que no sea como los que venden en la mayoría de tiendas, necesito un cuaderno especialmente especial (no sé) donde poder anotar mis pensamientos (porque no puedo seguir mucho más tiempo con este blog, o con Twitter).
Ayer recé (sin más y con menos). Todas las it girls tienen Instagram, pero yo no tengo porque para eso necesitaría un teléfono inteligente y yo prefiero simplemente un teléfono tonto.
I don't have close friends either. The friends I have are far away. They are in my heart or they live in another country.
Of course, Walden spoke to me directly. All I want is to live (that's what I prayed for yesterday). I'm lucky, though, that I am like I am, because I haven't lost myself completely (please, god, don't let me do that). There's an innocence and a silence that go with me, wherever I go (that is, nowhere). I sure listen to a different kind (of) music. This silence, or well-being, is uncommon.
Yes, the person I trusted the most (the only one I trusted fully) died. She died on a Thursday, very early in the morning, with the moon, very fast and unexpectedly, because that's how she liked to do things. She was perfect and gay to the end (my end).
A los días anteriores a la luna nueva se los conoce como días de luna balsámica (iba a escribir "quimérica"). Yo nací en uno de esos días y por eso toda mi experiencia (iba a escribir "culpa") tiene como tema central la despedida. La. Y la despedida. Tengo 'la'. Y así cumplo con mi obligación de despedirme.
Now I'm snow, I'm melting fast.
My grandmother is the one with whom I spent many happy hours. Very very happy. In the lonely, lovely days of childhood, she was my rock. She was a language, also, a language I understood. Now that she's gone forever, I can only accept it. I can only cherish the memories (her particular way of walking). Somehow, she's still somewhere (I may be nowhere, but she is somewhere); only I can't talk to her, can't see her.
We are too attached to the world of the senses. We need to learn that there are other worlds as there is this tiny world of us, this world of wanting love, and wanting food, and wanting truth. There is another world where truth and love and food are not to be sought.
My grandma is now flying in paradise. I'm on Earth, and it's paradise too. I'm in love.
Citas sacadas de Walden:
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
Me tengo que conformar. Estoy contenta y triste a la vez, pero más contenta que triste. Todos mis problemas se van a resolver por sí mismos, sin que tenga que pensar en ellos. Ocurrirá lo que sea mejor para mí. Me tengo que conformar y, al mismo tiempo, no debo conformarme. Contenta, o triste, eso da igual (esto no es de Walden, lógicamente, pero necesitaba decirlo de todos modos).
Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage.
To travel the only path I can, and that on which no power can resist me.
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, an obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board.
Patricio writes like a master. Will he be one?
Also, is Natalia coming back to madrid?
I sometimes want to cut my hair. I think I should keep the blond, since I like it.
But I still need a tote (this is a type of handbag, very roomy) and a few more things.